Friends don't let friends drive bulldozers ripped on acid

Source: Bumper sticker spied last week

I am not getting old. I've always been blind as a bat...or I've been headed this way progressively since around 1984. It probably started before that, but that's when I got glasses. My doctor used to tease me about being an overachiever in the blindness category...except I've got EXCELLENT vision compared to the momster. I also have some semblance of depth perception, but only compared to her. It scares everyone else.

Anyway, the reason I say this is that I HATE tiny writing on bumper stickers. I love bumper stickers. They're often witty and make me smile. But if you care enough to put them on your car, make them big enough for people to read.

Here's what happens, for instance, when you put this cute one on the back of your white Ford Explorer. I spy it, then get engrossed in trying to read what it says (because upon first reading, I MUST have gotten it wrong, right?). So I get a little closer and a little closer. Next thing you know, you think I'm trying to cut you off while we're merging and your passenger extends his much-tattooed arm out the adjoining window and gives me the one fingered salute.

Now, I'm sure I must have been given the bird at SOME point in the 15 1/2 years I've lived in this fair city. Or more precisely, I must have been given it while driving by someone I don't know. But I'll be darned if I remember it. It was quite shocking. I found myself wanting to catch up with them and apologize and compliment them on the bumper sticker. WTF? Since when does this nice Southern Belle not respond in kind to such a rude gesture???

All I'm saying is that it's not me. It's you.