You can dress a duck up and name him fido, but that doesn't make him a ham sandwich

Source: Completely random comment by Debi months ago

No, it didn't make any more sense then. It's in the same category as "Never staple a small dog to your chest and run down Dale Mabry naked screaming 'F*ck me, F*ck me, I'm Oprah Winfrey's twin sister." That was something my dear friend Dan came up with our Senior year at T.R. Robinson High School. He wrote it in my memory book.

And I now return you to your regularly scheduled lives. Poor bastards.